The Women in My Family

A few months ago, I spent the Holy Week and Easter break with two wonderful women. One of them I already consider a sister. The other is a photographer and a writer. While my 15-year old son explored the ship, hoping to hook up with others his age and my husband was happily capturing sun, sky, and people with his new camera, I spent most of my waking hours with a couple of women who, like me, have chosen to tread unexpected paths.

Come to think of it, I have been surrounded by such women all my life. My great grandmother, said to have been our National Hero's inspiration for the character Maria Clara in his novels, was an unusual woman. I suppose if one were the offspring of a Spanish friar, one would have to make braver choices and stand by them. I heard many stories about my Abuelita and even had the chance to spend afternoons in her room during my preschool days. Everything I knew of her spoke of her strength. She was not one to be cowed. She was also never married so I suppose the idea of solo-parenting, had she been around today, would not have been novel to her.

My grandmother used to tell us how all the children, every summer, would be sent off to Antipolo with the household help, the nurses, and a piano. My great grandmother never went with her children but she would write them letters of instruction or admonition. My grandmother was never to miss a single day without doing her piano lessons was one of the items in the to-do list. Each child had to write letters to her in Spanish so she could check their spelling and grammar.

My grandmother, though not as imposing a figure as her mother, was just as strong-willed (headstrong is an adjective that's been passed on to the women of each generation on my mother's side of the family). She even refused to be called Lola--that is the nickname of one named Dolores, she used to say. Instead, she was to be called Mama Nena by all her grandchildren. Mama Nena eloped at 16, was widowed by the time she was in her mid-20's, and raised 4 children while going from house to house giving piano lessons (Abuelita knew it would come in handy!). When she was 90, she told my mother she had made the decision to move into her own place and that's exactly what she did. No one could stop her.

My mother displayed the same strength of character. Dad used to say that when he married mom, she was shy and quiet. Then she found her voice and never stopped talking! Mom knew that for her three girls to have the best of what she and dad could provide, ours would have to be a two-income household. She went to work, unsure of what to do but diving in anyway (this included using the typewriter). She held a full-time job while making sure we had everything we needed, making quick trips to the bookstore when school supplies were low or an unthinking teacher would assign us to bring things found only in bookstores or specialty stores. At the peak of her career, mom was one of the first women to hold a VP position in a prominent bank.

When my mother finally became a grandmother, she threw herself, heart and soul, into that role. She enjoyed being called Lola Mary and she made it a point to play with her grandchildren. My mother was never one for games or sports or even amusement parks, but she would get on that slide to encourage her grandchildren to get on it too.

Mom's now in her 70's and most people can't believe she is. She still works and she still makes herself available to us, grandchildren included. She can still make things happen and she still sets her goals and stays focused.

The women in my family seem not to have been made for back seats although they were not spared from having to sit in them. Let's just say they stayed in those seats as best as they could but also reached for and stepped on the gas whenever they had to!